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| HAMISH |
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| My Brother |
"What I really like about Ewan is his xbox. It is cool. It almost makes me forget
about frogger. Almost. When I think of Ewan, I think of midgets in black leather jackets with
dogs called toto that are
really angel girls going to save the girl he has a crush on from her evil zombie double who is plotting to get the good girl's
boyfriend to make prophetic love to the devious cousin who's friend is having relations with with her half brother, though
they don't
know it, and whose other friend accidently got drunk and slept with her boyfriend's ex-father and got pregnet
to him and then got executed but came back to life at the same time that her brother's ex-fiance came back from the dead,
only to discover that she had REVERSE AMNESIA! Ah, but those were simpler times. Anyway, we'll be heading off to Japan soon,
so that should be cool."
-REBUTTAL: Hamish has been my brother
as long as I can remember. My fondest memory of him was when I hit him in the foot with a cricket stump and he got in trouble
for swearing at me, whereas I got off scot-free. Hur hur hur. I think he was also the first person to buy me alcohol when
I was underaged, so blame him if you were ever kept awake at night by drunken hooligans pulling down street signs. When we
hang out my IQ drops by about 100 points and my mental age reverts to 5. I swear it isn't a reciprocal effect.
| BENJAMIN |
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| A fiend (you read right) of 17 years... |
After my training on the North coast I was stationed at Hanoi during the latter part of the Vietnam war.
It was horrific and totally foreign to a little Aussie battler like me, conscripted from the bush. My first posting was under
the command of a young man, not much older than myself, but he had the look of a hardened veteran and a sparkle in his eye
told me there was something special about this fellow, thats when I first met Ewan Love. On a routine patrol our squad was
ambushed by the devil hordes of the Viet-Kong, those basterds cut us to pieces. We were surrounded. Men going down everywhere
and the hellfire was burning us a grave. Finally, Ewan turned to me and said 'Those basterd Charlies, this is it. Tell my
wife I love her,' and with a heroic scream he ran into the jungle. I am not too sure what happened but when I came to in the
hospital Ewan was at my side. Single handedly he had driven Charlie back to their holes and although he had been mortally
wounded, carried me 20kms back to base. I'll never forget Ewan and his brave deeds. God bless his soul.
-REBUTTAL:
I've known young Benny since I was 5. I think the story goes he came up to me and said "Can I be your friend?" and so we have
been friends ever since. Always willing to complain about things with me, Benjamin is the little devil on my shoulder, trying
to turn me into a bitter husk of a man. Soon we shall unleash our cynicism upon the world......
| Jacob |
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| My ally in punk |
Testimoaningalls Inc.
(Insert name) is above and beyond a (choose one, capable, intolerant,
blah) young (man/woman). I have personally known (Before mentioned name) for a period of (Under 5 but not exceeding 8 years/23
blue moons/4 harvests) and can vouch that he is indeed (Right wing, the new messiah, incontinant) and for those reasons can
be relied apon to (perform autopsys,wrestle at professional level,weep) without failure. Not only this but (young/old), (before
mentioned name) is qualified in the field of(List appropriate fields of experience relevant to said person/place/event) and
that in my opinion is what makes them so great. In conclusion (god/Buddha/Benjamin) watch over us all and feel safe in the
knowledge that the thing that this writes of is 100% legally binding and legitimate.
(insert name of local do gooder or
potato)
Send all information and check or monetary orders to jakovski enterprises care of testimoaniallies division
REBUTTAL- Jacob, the better half of the greatest band
that ever was (The Droogs for the uneducated) was afraid of knives. My fondest memory was of chasing him around my house with
a knife. Good times. He could always be counted on to angry up my blood or convince me to partake in his schemes, such as
walking out halfway through a class and waving goodbye to the teacher. Hahah....too bad he lives in the desert now.
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